I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your penis caused this!
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