Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
