Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
