it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
