"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
