Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
