look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
