this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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