If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
