Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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