I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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