She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
