Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
