drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
