Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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