Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
