I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
