hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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