For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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