If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
