Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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