omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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