i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
