Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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