I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
