When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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