dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
