wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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