addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
