Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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