I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
