My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
