Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
