As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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