i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
