My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
