i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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