dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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