dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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