hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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