I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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