my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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