so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm jealous of your bromance
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
