is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
