Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
