Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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