You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
