i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
