When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
