yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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