My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina just clenched in fear
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
