We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
