its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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