Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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