don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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