but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
